Narwhal Party


Fair and Balanced Infromation
04/01/2010, 9:39 am
Filed under: Advice, Words | Tags: , ,

Taken from Teabonics (discovered at HTMLGIANT).



Long May You Run
01/23/2010, 4:39 pm
Filed under: Advice, TV, Words | Tags: , , ,

Conan O’Brien announced on Thursday night’s episode of The Tonight Show that they were simply going to “have fun on television.” It was a sincere statement that Conan and company have always stayed true to, but felt poignant given the circumstances. For his final show on Friday, Conan welcomed Steve Carell, Tom Hanks, Neil Young (with a great performance of “Long May You Run”), and Will Ferrell. Before the epic conclusion to the show, Conan gave a bit of a farewell speech, where he emotionally described the end of his run as Tonight Show host as “joyous and inspirational,” and emphatically implored young people to avoid cynicism. He stated simply, “If you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.” It was a powerful moment in the middle of a hell of a lot of fun. Here’s the speech, via YouTube:

To close out the show, Conan grabbed a guitar, joined the Tonight Show Band, with Will Ferrell (cowbell-in-hand), Beck, Ben Harper, and one of the guys from ZZ Top for what else, but a straight cover of “Freebird.” I can’t think of a better way to close up shop.

Head over to Hulu to watch it in high-quality. Enjoy!



How To Live Forever (In Five Easy Steps)
01/18/2010, 11:01 am
Filed under: Advice, Words | Tags: , , ,

THIS IS HOW TO LIVE FOREVER IN FIVE EASY STEPS.

STEP ONE: DEFIANCE
Stand up against time. Your watch is not the boss of you. Put duct tape over the face of your LCD alarm clock (painter’s tape leaves no residue, which you are well aware of—no cheating). Try leaving your calendar on January this year. Don’t cross any days off. All the time you sternly defy will begin to add up. Trust me.

STEP TWO: ASPARAGUS
Many people avoid this vegetable without fully considering its mystical properties. Embrace the possibilities. Popular in ancient Egypt, you know there’s some crazy stuff going on with it. Side affects include: stinky pee.

STEP THREE: GIN
[Self-explanatory]

STEP FOUR: CONSERVATION
It’s a scientific fact that human beings begin life with a limited number of blinks, bites, and push-ups. As often as possible, swallow your food whole, compete in staring contests, and avoid push-ups at all cost.

STEP FIVE: REDUCE STRESS
This may include reverting to a rotary phone, wearing home-made blinders when in public (focus!), limiting your diet to raw potatoes (in addition to the asparagus), limiting physical exercise to a medicine ball routine or that machine that shakes your stomach until the fat goes away. Also, get massages. All kinds of massages.

Many will ask, “How do I know if it’s working?” To that base inquiry, I simply reply, “How do you know it isn’t?” Think on that. Go on, you have a lot of free time now.